


Love Me (다시)

by Lovelyj



Series: I Only Want You [5]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Both are patients, Friendship, Hospital Centric, Light Angst, M/M, Post Hanahaki Disease, Song related fic, Sungjin and Dowoon are Jae’s friends, Unrequited Love, What happens once Hanahaki Disease is cured?, Younghyun is Wonpil’s cousin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:00:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24235432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovelyj/pseuds/Lovelyj
Summary: I was nothing to you. Even if you are everything to me.
Relationships: Kim Wonpil/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Series: I Only Want You [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1141130
Comments: 8
Kudos: 51





	1. You Don’t Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The flower bloomed with no owner. And it withered helplessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You Don’t Love Me - Roy Kim

_On the seed I planted by the_ _heart, figuring the identity of the flower. In bright rose pink. Its identity became known. The tulips bloomed as if it’s its own sunshine and rain. Your glowing petals had touched me. You had touched me. Without letting you see. Without letting you know. I secretly wished I’d grow similarly of me to you. But I was a coward. Waiting for the right timing never came. Before I realized, you are already walking on a different path. You had planted seed on someone else’s heart. You bloomed prettier more than yesterday. And I watched you touched someone else’s heart. You went further away. And I couldn’t do anything. Because I was nothing to you. Even if you are everything to me_.

“ _Until when do I have to love you?” He whispered in a painful smile. Lifting his head under the blue sky hidden by the bright clouds. That’s keeping him from getting struck by the summer heat. To keep himself from tearing up. His hands trembles and the smile begins to fade away. He bit his lower lip. To keep himself from breaking down._

_ What do I do? _

“ _I don’t want to forget him. Please.. don’t let me do that.. Will you just respect my decisions?”_

_Tears trickled from his cheeks as he kneel down beside his bed. Eyes bloodshot on the sleepless nights. His skin has lost its color. There’s no more emotions to be seen on his tired face as if he has accepted the reality. But the visible pain on his eyes doesn’t change. His limbs are weaker than yesterday. His lips are dry with blood, which has spread on his hands, to his clothes_ _and to his room’s floor._

“ _Respect? How about you?! Please Jae! Stop it! Let him go!”_

“ _Do you really wanna die?!” His friend yelled and weeped. He closes his eyes when the world began to turn on its own. His decision doesn’t change. He couldn’t change._

_ “He doesn’t love you Jae! He won’t! Come to your senses!” His friend screamed out before he lost his balance and fell on the ground. _

_ It was obvious. You don’t love me. But if I lose you.. who will I be? _

_ “I can’t” _

“Oh! Are you really awake now?” The voice of a man got Jae to his senses. The calm and sweet tone he’d seemed to love to wake up in the morning, speaks so close as he regains his consciousness after being asleep for three days from a surgery.

Jae does his best to lift his heavy eyelid and move his helplessly weak body. The blurry silhouette of a man in the afternoon light, reflecting from the balcony’s window appears in his view. Waving a hand on his face in which the brown orbs of his eyes naturally followed.

Beginning to see things better, the appearance of the man from earlier becomes clear. A slim man with a dark curly hair. The dark orbs of his wide eyes that gets a little crossed when he focuses his gaze under the black frame of his eyeglasses. High nose bridge. Thin pinkish lips. And a thin fabric outfit of similar top and bottom design that may be classified as a costume or pajama. Yet it isn’t. It’s a uniform. It’s a uniform only people could find on a hospital, which is what we all call, hospital gown.

_ What is going on? Where am I? _

Jae’s throat somehow feels rough and dry. It’s difficult to swallow.

His mind went to think of his friends. As the sole people who could explain the reason of him coming on this place.

The man giggles in excitement. “You’re finally awake” He says.

And Jae began to focus on the man in front of him again. The silence and the bright toothy smile from the other person made him weary. The ability of the man to smile that way for a stranger found himself lost in an emptiness. Yet there’s pain lingering in him. It hurts so much, Jae frowned to himself.

“Don’t move. I’ll call the nurse” The other man began to panic before his small and quick steps goes further away in the silence. In which, Jae watched before resting his head back comfortably on the pillow. 

The white colored walls and ceiling. The sound of the clock in the empty room. The uncomfortable pain he is feeling on his chest. The strange emptiness. The thought of where his buddies could be right now, drove him to curiosity as to why he was hospitalized this time.

The stranger from earlier returned, standing on a side. With two male nurses. One with a pen and board on it’s hand. One standing on the right side of the other nurse. And a female doctor wearing its gown. A long brown hair to its shoulder. Black stiletto, making her a little taller compared to the nurse whose only standing behind.

The doctor was quick to bring her stethoscope hanging behind her neck to it’s proper placement and brought the cold tool to his chest. He was asked to breathe in and out a few times in which he complied before she hanged the stethoscope back behind her neck.

Meanwhile, the stranger from earlier is still hovering around. Keeping a well distance from the nurses who are standing behind the doctor.

“You seemed to be doing fine. You’re doing great with your recovery”

“What.. happened to me doc?” Jae wearily asked. Suspecting he could have a heart disease from the burning pain on his chest since earlier.

“Your were passed out when your friends brought you here to the hospital. We performed a surgery on you with a consent of your parents after we figured you had ulcer”

Jae let’s out an ‘ah’ after finding his answer. He breathes out in relief. Thanking the heavens it wasn’t serious as he suspected.

“But.. doc, why is my chest in pain?”

“That’s normal. Its a side effect of the medicines we injected on you. You were asleep for three days. It’ll get better in less than a day”

“When will I be discharged?”

“We still have to observe your recovery so maybe a week. That’s the longest”

Jae nods and he lean his elbows to the both side of his bed to support himself as he try to sit up on his own. Knowing he doesn’t have much strength yet, the nurses was quick to assist. While the man from earlier continued to watch the whole situation.

On the nightfall, Jae was still alone with the stranger. After glancing to the corners of the room earlier. He came to learned that it is a shared room good for two people. The side of his bed is closer to the balcony. While the other is closer to the door. And this man, who is sitting leisurely on his own. Facing towards him and seemingly unbothered began to speak to him once again.

“Jae, do you want some?” He offers while he stabs the fork on a slice of apple in his left hand from the desk beside the bed. Chewing the rest of the slice he had eaten from the fork on in his right.

“It seem like your friends are taking too long for an errand” He continued after swallowing.

“How do you know my name?” Jae turns to him with curiosity.

“What kind of question is that?” The man frowned. Slightly glaring at him in disbelief.

“Oh, never mind. It’s either you saw it written there” His head points at the end of the bed in which, where the patient’s name is usually written on a platform. “...or the doctor told you”

“No, I don’t need them to tell me who you are. Stop joking. It’s not funny” He dropped both forks from his hands on the smaller plate on his desk. Sounding kinda offended on what Jae has just said. So Jae blanked out in a a few seconds to think before he tried to speak again.

“What are trying to suggest? I really.. don’t know you. Where did we meet before?” Jae tried to calm his frustration. Expecting they could’ve met once in high school or college or maybe at work. They could probably be introduced to each other once and hadn’t met again.

“Fine, I know we’re not close but that doesn’t mean you could just forget a classmate for six years. Do you have a memory of a goldfish?”

Now it’s Jae’s turn to be offended. His mouth went ‘o’ in disbelief. His eyes began to scan the other man from head to toe. “I’m serious, I don’t know you”

“It’s Kim Wonpil! Your classmate from Seoul High School since middle to senior high. Even if we’re not friends, I’m the class representative. How could you treat a classmate like this?” He explained. As if he is desperate to be remembered in his frustrated tone.

“Kim.. Won..” Jae tried to think again. This Wonpil do have a point. If they were classmates then he’d remember. But— “It doesn’t ring a bell. I don’t know you. I swear” He replies in frustration.

“You had an ulcer right? Not an amnesia?”

“Hey, I could recite the entirety of my classmates but I never once heard a name like yours”

“Woah, fine.” Wonpil muses. “If that’s your way of shutting me out. Good night mister!” He’a quick to cover himself—including his head with a blanket. Facing the opposite side of where Jae is located.

“I’m serious— yah! Don’t you sleep on me. I’m talking” Jae yells. 

“Jae.. why are you yelling? We can hear you outside” The raspy tone of a man, with a hazelnut hair. Earrings dangling on the left part of its ear. Wearing a simple purple shirt and ripped jeans with a black bag on his left shoulder, opened the door. Sungjin, a classmate from college and now his colleague at work.

Another man dashes past Sungjin and softly cries out “Jae!!” In his deepest voice. Wearing a black tee and simple jeans. Which is Dowoon, also his classmate from college and his colleague at work. A friend he calls a seashell, who has a muscular body but a marshmallow personality.

Dowoon sits right down on the bedside and embraced Jae in his toned muscular arms. Jae chuckled. Tapping the back of his babiest friend.

“How’s your condition?” Sungjin asked as he let down the two heavy bags of grocery under the desk he bought along with Dowoon on a supermarket close to the hospital. And placed his black bag beside it.

“I’ll answer once Dowoon let me go” Jae pushes Dowoon with all the strength he had. Getting a little energetic compared to the second he opened his eyes earlier.

“I don’t want to” Dowoon pouts as he remain clinging on Jae.

“When did this kid became so clingy. Yah! Let go!”

“Let go Dowoon. You’ll hurt him” Sungjin informs and Dowoon was quick to retreat after realizing the situation.

“Ah right. Sorry. So how are you?” Dowoon asks with a smile. While Sungjin gets a chair for the two of them to sit on.

“Why does he only listen to you?” Jae complains in upset tone.

“He made me carry the two heavy grocery bags from the supermarket to here” Sungjin complained as well in an empty tone. Already used of this treatment from the longest time they were together.

“Come on! We took an elevator!” Dowoon protest and the other two huffs.

“I’m good. The problem is, why is my chest hurting instead of my stomach? Didn’t they opened up my stomach?” Sungjin pulled Dowoon away from Jae’s bed and let him sit down on the circular chair he grabbed earlier.

“Should I call the doctor?” Sungjin suggest.

“Nah.. he told me its just a side effect. It’ll get better in a day”

“That’s good”

“Excuse me” A soft voice from the opposite bed suddenly said. The three of them turned their heads on him naturally, in full attention.

Jae inwardly sighed. 

“Is your friend Park Jaehyung? 24?..” And Wonpil began to recite the whole thing he knows about Jae. His hobby. Even his address.

The other three stared at Wonpil weirdly. Jae dramatically gasped in widen eyes. Mouth gaping. Without a word to utter in a first few seconds.

“How—how do you know all of that? Are you a stalker?” Jae accuses. Brows meeting each other. Finally creeped out on the stranger.

Wonpil shakes his head. Still amuse of the joke.

“I was the homeroom’s class representative you dumbhead!” Wonpil is becoming more upset as his tone raises in the room.

“What?! Stop lying! I know all of my classmates. I wouldn’t forget them even if I haven’t interacted with them. I can even remember my kindergarten classmate” Jae replies in the similar tone.

“Oh wow. What a genius” Wonpil mocks.

“Why won’t the two of you calm down?” Sungjin appeased and Dowoon innocently nods his head as he look at Jae and Wonpil with his worried eyes.

Luckily Jae is weak when it comes to Dowoon. He went to a deep sigh to calm himself down. Still glaring to his frontal sight. Ignoring Wonpil and his flaring eyes.

“I saw his name Sungjin. We should transfer Jae to a different room” Dowoon says in a smaller sound. Distress evident to his tone. Eyes full of worries. Standing right beside Sungjin.

“We can’t Dowoon. It will be very strange” Sungjin responds in the same amount of distress.

Both standing on the balcony of the room. Night lights on their view from the establishments of the city. The wind blows coldly on the autumn night to their skin. With worries filling them up.

It’s been three hours since the two patients had become quiet until they fell asleep. And it’s already three in morning yet, the two are still fully awake.

“They look like they hate each other now. I’ll try to convince Jae while it’s early”

Sungjin sighs deeply as he nod at Dowoon’s point.

“Why of all people?” Dowoon brushes the strands of his hair with his fingers. Gritting his teeth as he is reminded of the night Jae fell on the floor of their living room, crying. Crying in tears and pool of blood. Asking them to let him die.

Dowoon’s insides turned as he think deeply. Feeling the heaviness of Jae’s painful journey he saw all throughout the years they’ve known each other. Liquid began to form in his eyes. He’s now almost thankful Jae is cured but with this encounter, it can’t happen again. It would be so unfair to Jae.

“We should’ve checked before we admitted him” Dowoon quietly says.

“There was no one here when Jae got admitted. We wouldn’t know” Sungjin replies. Knowing Dowoon must be blaming himself as well to this wrongful encounter.

“I.. was here before Jae. I was on a surgery when he came. What are you trying to hide?”

The softer tone of the now familiar stranger made the two guy’s heart almost jump out in surprise as they automatically glanced to the person talking. Their faces turned pale as if they’ve seen ghost. Their hands began to tremble in shock. Eyes widen in silence.

And Wonpil couldn’t understand why they seemed to be so surprised, so scared of him to overhear their conversation. Why does Jae have to be transferred on a different room? Because of him.

“Wh—why are you s—still awake?” Dowoon stutters no matter how he try to calm himself down.

“Comfort room. Now why should Jae be transferred because of me?” Wonpil frowns. Seemingly upset of their discussion. As if he is causing harm to Jae. Or maybe, he was just too loud and they don’t like him.

Both man could hear the loud thump of their hearts. Frightened on the blank expression on Wonpil’s face. Who’s waiting for them to answer his question.

“You.. t—two were fighting and.. and we hoped for a fast recovery for the both of you.. t—that’s why we were thinking—“ Dowoon timidly tried to reason out only to be cut off by Wonpil.

“That’s not how your conversation went. What’s wrong with me being here? Why can’t he remember me?” Wonpil insists. The tone of his voice raises a little in frustration to the whole day of nonsensical event.

“Let’s talk outside” Sungjin firmly says. In order to not wake the other man on the room.

“Can’t you just pretend you didn’t heard us? We beg you” Dowoon says. 

The three of them settled on the nearly empty cafeteria. With Dowoon and Sungjin sitting side by side. Wonpil across them with both hands laced, resting on top of the table.

“I wish I could but I couldn’t deny how curious I am. I can’t sleep. It doesn’t make any sense. I was really serious earlier. I was Jae’s classmate for six years. I’ve known him. I was just trying to be friendly earlier. But he can’t remember me? Did I do something in the past for him to have grudge on me? Or am I just.. overthinking right now?” Wonpil 

“Why don’t we just forget about it and move on?” Dowoon suggests timidly.

“No. You have to tell me. You two.. you know who I am.. right?” Wonpil is firm to his request. Yet his eyes shakes with doubt once he asked the question. It sounds dumb but.. would the friends of someone he knows, knows him than the person who is supposed to know him but doesn’t remember him.

“If we tell you.. will you please move to another room?” Sungjin asks with determination. Dowoon immediately grope him by the wrist under the table. Beginning to be pressured of Sungjin’s offer.

Sungjin understand Dowoon’s sentiment. He was also there that night. He was always there by Jae’s side, asking him. Watching him in pain. But there’s no point in hiding them now.. if they are already caught like this.

“Why?” Seeing the tension on Dowoon’s face. The hard looking expression on Sungjin’s face. Wonpil couldn’t help but be more curious of what’s going on. As if it isn’t near to his imagination.

“Because its your fault why Jae had to be sick..” Sungjin straight ahead said.

Pressure filled Wonpil’s nerve. He raises his brows. His wide eyes got wider on the ridiculousness being thrown at him.

“Sungjin. Don’t! Let’s stop here. Let’s go back” Dowoon is furious now. Attempting to let Sungjin stand up and leave with him. He glances up to the two. But the unfazed look on Sungjin’s face doesn’t change. And it feared Dowoon. Because he knows it’s difficult to change his mind.

“I’ll continue if you promise to move..” Sungjin patiently tells him.

Wonpil stared down to his laced hands. He thinks of the past. A possible reason for him and Jae to be closely acquainted. But there’s none. There was no reason for them to be friends. They were never friends. Why would it ever be because of him?

“Okay.. what is it?” Wonpil timidly answered.

“He loved you”

“W-what?”

That doesn’t make any sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You Don’t Love Me is a song about loving someone without letting them know because they seemed to be happy on their own world so the other is satisfied to only be looking at them even if the person they love won’t look back.
> 
> Here's my curious cat if you have questions: [cc!](https://curiouscat.me/HaengbokhanPil)


	2. How Can I Love The Heartbreak, When You’re The One I Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have I forgotten you, the person I used to love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! If you have read the beginning of this fic on the day I posted it, I edited it so if you can look back, there are changes I made 👉👈
> 
> How Can I Love The Heartbreak, When You’re The One I Love - AkMu

_There was a huge and sturdy wall between us. Yet my eyes are still set on you. I wanted to fly and be seen by you. The first time we met, who was as graceful as the melodious white daisy on the summer breeze of the open field, my breath, has been taken away. I knew it would be you. The gloomy days doesn’t take your glow away. But the distance between us, no matter how I try to run from the field of lightning and storm and chase you. I won’t be able to fill the gap. Because the wall which is keeping us away from this small world was built by me. It was me. The wall I created and the wall I was trying to destroy became unbreakable in the passing time. So I purposely took a few step back to see you. You won’t look back at me. You don’t see me. But with a smile, even if its breaking. I was always glad we’ve meet._

“ _Jae-yah! Hurry! I’m hungry!”_

_ “J-just a moment..” _

_ The younger Jae in his middle school uniform, blonde hair. Eye glasses with no lens. Stealthily smiles to himself as he sneaks his way outside the piano room after hearing the keys play in melody. Sticking his ears on the door. He knew it would be the person he is expecting despite of being invisible to his sight. He knew Wonpil visits the piano room regularly to enjoy his hobby. So he stood on the other side of the wall looking forward to hear the new melody he’ll attempt to make today. _

“ _Yah, Park Jaehyung. How is this—“ His seat mate, Sammy, purses his lips. Throwing the pen from his right hand to the book their studying for a math quiz they’re both struggling. It’s a familiar sight. A love sick boy who has a repetitive behavior. In which he is also sick to see by now._

“ _Are you looking at something nice?” Sammy teasingly asked with his eyes from the last row landing to the first row._

_“Hmm..” Jae, lost to his daydream, hums without falter. And to Sammy’s disappointment, he knows Jae isn’t exactly listening to him. He rolled his eyes in a deep sigh._

_ “Confess!” Sammy slams a hand on the table in frustration. _

_ It wake Jae up to his senses from the sound. He glances to Sammy with a glare. _

_ “What?” He asked in pretense. _

“ _Aren’t you tired? I’m really tired you know..” Sammy began to dramatize by massaging a hand on his forehead. Leaning his elbow on the table to rest. “..of being your seat mate for three years straight now. Why don’t you just confess and move chairs or move chair and confess?”_

_ “It’s nothing serious” Jae denies. _

_ “We’re seniors. Remember.. we’re graduating soon. You’ve been in love with him for almost six years now. Won—“ _

“ _Shh..” Jae cuts him off. Putting his index finger on his lip in reflex. Almost taken aback when Sammy suddenly tried to say the name of his crush._

_ Sammy huffs before he continued. _

“ _HE is a good person. If you ask him nicely, he might go out with you. And if he don’t, at least you tried. You either have to grow some balls or let him go.. Jae”_

_ His insides began to turn. His heart dropped to his stomach. His chest stings in pain after hearing the last three words of the sentence. ‘Let him go’. It‘s like there‘s a fragile glass shattering in him, making him bleed every time they try to wake him up to the reality. They’re not wrong. _

“ _I told you, it’s nothing serious..” Jae quietly replies before pretending to be reading the later quiz._

_ Sammy stared at him in pity. Similar excuse doesn’t resolve the answer of the eye. _

_ Jae loves the last row of seat the most. His tall figure can be his excuse. People’s prejudice of popular students to sit at the back could be an excuse as well. But in all actuality, it was his way to look at Wonpil without getting caught—whose sitting at the first row. _

“ _Jae, I’m curious of one thing” Dowoon asks who’s sitting across Jae while they are waiting for the next class. Picking a chip on the table of the university’s cafeteria. The chips Sungjin bought for himself at the convenience store only to be stolen by Dowoon. “You said you were classmates in high school. Had you ever tried telling him how you feel?”_

“ _He won’t like me. He was always ignoring me back then so.. I just got used to seeing him afar.” Jae shrugs as if its a normal discussion now. Picking a chip from Sungjin’s stolen bag._

_ “But you haven’t tried it yet. Do you want to do it now?” Sungjin joins in. Closing the science fiction book he’s reading. Who’s sitting beside Dowoon. _

“ _Suddenly? He’s got a boyfriend. You’ve seen it. I don’t want to bother him” Jae says as if he didn’t mind._

_ “I don’t believe in that Younghyun guy.. I think he’s just saying it. I haven’t seen them being lovey dovey in the campus” Sungjin suspects. Taking a chip on the bag Dowoon stole from him. _

“ _So what? It’s still official” Jae interjects._

_ “You’ve got a lot of excuse” Dowoon nods to support what Sungjin just said.. _

_ “It’s not an excuse. Its a sacrifice.” He retaliates. _

“ _Move on. You don’t have a bright future with what you’re doing. You’re only hurting yourself” Sungjin says in a chill as he pick up the page of his book again._

_ “I know. I’m trying. I didn’t know it’ll be this hard..” Jae chuckles with a sad tone he wished won’t show. And forced a smile at them. Only to be seen as bitterness poking on his chest. Pity began to grow for their friend. Sungjin blinked away from the guilt. And Jae fished for his phone from his pants pocket to distract himself. _

“Have you heard of a disease called Hanahaki?” Sungjin calmly asked. Dowoon, disappointed and upset to let this be known to someone who has caused this after everything had happened, bit a portion of his lip as he look away.

“Hana..haki?” Wonpil hesitates to say. He knows what it is. He has heard of this disease before. Yet Wonpil knitted his brows in confusion.

“It only occurs when a person’s love couldn’t be reciprocated. They cough flowers and blood until it drains them. It could kill a person unless they receive a surgery. And that’s what happened to Jae. He almost died.” Sungjin explains.

Dowoon’s eyes began to water. Stopping himself to cry. Telling himself it’s over and he should carry on. Meanwhile, Wonpil could only look at them in confusion. In curiosity. The story doesn’t explain his involvement in it. And whatever goes on to his mind, he doesn’t want to believe in it.

Because it won’t make any sense.

“..Thankfully we were able to take him to the hospital and got him the surgery right away. Now, he didn’t know the reason why he was admitted. Dr. Sung, his doctor, she helped us cover things up for his sake, its also part of the discretion of the hospital so he won’t be curious and now the records will only show that he’s diagnosed with ulcer”

They don’t say anything after Sungjin’s explanation. Dowoon has calmed down when Sungjin held his hand under the table and warmly smiled at him. He wants to believe on Sungjin’s plan. He needs to trust him.

Wonpil rub his both hands to his face. Pushing his curly hair back from his forehead in a deep sigh.

“Okay.. so you‘re saying.. he was in love with me. The disease formed because of me. He almost died. And now he can’t remember anything about me because of the surgery. Am I understanding this correctly?” He wants to clarify one more time. 

“Yes. You’re correct” Sungjin nods. “He has forgotten every single thing about you. Your face, your name, his memories that had you”

Wonpil made face. He looked at them ridiculously. This has been going on since earlier—yesterday. He doesn’t want to believe in it.

“Is this a prank?” He questioned seriously.

Sungjin and Dowoon didn’t bother how Wonpil’s face looked right now. They’d probably be the same if they are on the same shoes.

“Actually, we, including his family did this without his consent. He doesn’t want to do the surgery. He wanted to die rather than take your memories away. We couldn’t understand because he won’t tell us. We don’t know what memory of you he was trying to protect. He was too stubborn to let you go. You said you weren’t close, right?” Dowoon said despite of Wonpil’s questioning.

“Who knows about this?” Wonpil doesn’t answer Dowoon’s question.

“As far as I know, no one but us” Sungjin answers.

Wonpil nods in daze. Still in the process of understanding the ridiculous situation.

“I don’t see a problem why I should leave the room. He doesn’t recognize me. I’ll be leaving in six days too. Is there a side effect? Or do I bother you two?”

“It’s not like that” Dowoon denies.

“I don’t really know what to say about this. We were not close. We barely even talked. So why.. me?” Wonpil’s brows knitted as he put a hand to his chest. He stared at the two as if he is begging them an answer to his question.

“That.. we won’t know. The only thing we’re sure was he loved you more than his life” Sungjin replies.

The disturbance of the sun striking to Jae’s face, woke him up. Empty room. The deafening silence is only broke by the black colored circular clock ticking on the wall above the television in front of the middle of both beds.

His hand reflexively went to the white desk beside the bed to grab his phone to call the other guys, only to notice the two other phones are charging on the same outlet beside the desk. While the phones are laid on top of the desk.

Jae began to walk around the room for a little exercise. Feeling a lot better compared to yesterday. The heavy strange pain on his chest has also disappeared, allowing himself to smile and get hungry.

Checking the groceries Sungjin has brought yesterday. Just when he grabbed the triangular kimbap from the bag, a sudden knock got his attention.

A different guest. A tall— not taller than him— and jet-black haired man wearing a peach colored coat with a fair complexion with a lunch box covered on a silk cloth on his hand, he least expected to see at six in the morning entered the room.

They awkwardly smiled to each other when their eyes met. And it made it seem like the man looked familiar to Jae.

“Do you know where the patient here went?” The jet-black haired man asked. Extending a hand on the empty bed next to him.

“Are you Wonpil’s guardian? I’m not really sure. I just woke up”

“Ah, it’s fine. Thank you” The man awkwardly nodded. Before he took his phone out from his coat’s pocket and typed something before putting the phone to an ear. In his face filled with disappointment, a sound of a ring tone resounded the room.

In a few minutes, the door opened and Wonpil came back with Sungjin and Dowoon following at the back.

“Younghyun-ah, you came” Wonpil beams as he put his arms around the taller man.

“Your mom asked me to bring you the food she cooked this morning”

The two continued to talk brightly and Jae should be minding his own business but his betraying eyes couldn’t help stare.

He strayed his eyes away from the two when Sungjin called for his attention and held a kimchi on a violet plastic ware in front of him. He wondered where it came from when he was looking for food earlier.

His best friends continued talking to him, saying his food should arrive soon and he can have the kimchi as a side dish.

He couldn’t hear the rest of what they told him when his eyes kept wandering on the other side. He feels like he is having a heart burn and other strange pain and weighing on his chest. He tried not to bother telling them. He tried to listen to what they were trying to say.

Ah, he remember it now. The man called Younghyun, he went to the same university as him.

“Why didn’t he stayed?” Jae’s voice resounded the now empty room in the afternoon. He lay to his side. Facing the other man. Both palms together. Resting the back of his palm to his fluff cheeks.

“Younghyun? He needs to get to work..” Wonpil replied without taking his eyes off to his phone. Sitting. Resting his half body on the head rest with his legs lying flat on the bed. “Your friends?”

“I told them to go home and get a rest.. they don’t really need to be here 24/7. It’s just an ulcer”

Wonpil hums without adding any more words to say.

“What was the reason you’re admitted?” Jae asked again after the few beats of silence.

“That..” Wonpil let down his phone to his stomach and turn to him. “I was also diagnosed with ulcer and gone through a surgery. We have the same doctor, Dr. Sung” Wonpil explains.

“I see”

“But they said I need to be observed so I got another CT Scan. The result might come later or tomorrow and if they find nothing, I can go home somewhere in the week”

Jae hums in response. Before laying his whole body on the bed. 

“Do you happen to know when Dr. Sung will come?”

“Maybe later in the evening? Why?”

“It’s just.. my chest randomly hurts. She said it’ll disappear in a day but it came earlier. Now, I’m fine again. It’s weird. I was diagnosed with ulcer but why do I get chest pain?” Jae snorts with a soft laughter on the ridiculousness experience.

“What if you’re just bipolar?” Jae glances to Wonpil and stared at its stolid face.

“Why are you so mean?” Jae purses his lips. Sounding like an upset kid.

“I‘m kidding” He replied in nonchalance.

“You joke in a very strange way. Yesterday too.. you sounded really serious”

Behind the curly-haired man’s eyeglass, his stoic attitude broke for a moment. Eyes shaken. Raising his phone back to his eye level.

“You probably just need some fresh air” He says randomly.

“Then, you have to go out with me..” The blonde said with a little too enthusiasm.

“W-What?” Flustered, his voice raised quite a bit. But Jae didn’t really find it strange. Wonpil has been strange since their first conversation.

“Let’s get something good to eat. I heard this hospital is famous for their delicious organic food” Jae offers. Index finger pointing at the door.

Wonpil blinks at him. Pushing his eyeglass to his nose bridge. He was silent for a while before he gave an answer.

“Y-yeah.. Sure” He says quietly. And Jae’s lip lifted into a smile.

“Your joke yesterday.. it was crazy..” Jae said as they walk together to the hospital’s cafeteria. Taking an elevator from eight floor down to the fourth floor. Bringing back the yesterday’s event.

“Yesterday.. I’m sorry okay? You looked like him. But I realized you two doesn’t really look the same” Wonpil said the moment they enter the empty elevator.

Jae shook his head with a smirk from the ridiculous response. Leaning his head down to match the curly-haired man’s shorter height. A height of only reaching the blonde’s neck. He pushes his face close to the shorter.

“He had the same name, age, address and school I went? But it wasn’t me?” Jae mocks.

Wonpil took a step back at the sudden close contact. Avoiding the blonde’s eyes. Staring at the red number counting backwards of the floors at the top of the elevator door.

“Yeah, like that” Wonpil excused even though he know it won’t work.

The elevator door opened as if on cue and got himself an excuse to runaway.

Jae stared at the small back with an incredulous face “Stop making fun of me!” He yell. Chasing the smaller step moving closer to the cafeteria.

“I won’t do it again. I saw your record” Wonpil reasoned out the moment Jae caught of his steps.

Jae finally smiles. Enjoying the flustered and awkward look in his face. Those now shaken eyes who looked so confident and confuse yesterday. It looks like a fun sight for him. So Jae clears his throat to keep the smile away. Crossing his both arms.

“I’ll let you get away because I feel comfortable with you. But.. if what you said yesterday was true.. I don’t really know you. Did you perhaps changed your name? Or did you went to Gangnam?” The playful tone on Jae’s voice changed into a serious one. Truly curious if he had missed something. Like a good dream he couldn’t remember once woken up. Or a painful dream he was trying to fight yet there was no solution and in the end, was woken up with emptiness.

Despite of trying to be upbeat the whole day. There’s a void he couldn’t remove somewhere in his inside. It scares him. That once he is alone and is thinking deeply, he’d cry for no reason.

“I didn’t do plastic surgery or changed my name. I was just really joking yesterday. Okay, fine! I’ll treat you as an apology. Hmm?”

Wonpil stood at his feet. Facing the blond for an answer. Making Jae do the same, they both stared to each other.

_ I longed for you to look at me. I prayed for the sky to give me courage and tell you how I feel. It’s been ten years and you have changed. You bloomed in the prettiest land as I stay the same. I regret the first time. I regret the second time. All I needed was to tell you. But I couldn’t. I have died and disappeared to this world without you knowing my true existence. It was a bitter truth. And now the man standing in front of you, who is breaking his heart just by looking at you in the eye. Does he love you the way I used to? _

His mind began telling him something he could not hear. Tears well up in his eyes for no reason. It feels like his heart dropped to his stomach. His chest began to hurt. Its too heavy, he could barely breathe. It’s like there are thorns pricking his insides, making him bleed.

“Jae.. are you okay?” Wonpil’s eyes widen. Worried. When Jae’s eyes lost its focus on him. Seemingly twitching in pain. Bending his body forward. Noticing the pinkish lip turning to pale.

Jae reflexively brought a hand to his chest. Hearing the loud and quick sound of his heart.

“Does it hurt again?”

“Hmm.. it hurts”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italicized parts are narrated by the Jae who have Wonpil’s memory.
> 
> Even though the song is about break up. It is still interpreted as a person who continue to love someone even if it is breaking them.
> 
> Cause I’m back to work now, it takes me a long time to edit. I took 5 days for this 🥺 I don’t even know how I did. I’m sorry if there are poetry stuffs and its not understandable. I’m learning to write.
> 
> Thank you for reading and have a lovely day!


	3. This Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have filled the void of emptiness in my heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Love - Davichi

_If I am a lily floating on the clear water, you would be the sky. I would be forever staring up on your light. I’d be floating in the world of no direction. But I shan’t be afraid. I will be guided by you. You, who brought light has shown them the colors I used to hide. You let me bloom in purple highlights, shaded in white. You_ _are still colored in blue, cloudy and gray. You are the sunshine and the rain. Therefore, darkness will never exist. For you have brought the stars and moon together. Creating a melody in me. Writing a song for you._

_If I were a lily and you are a sky, will you see me from the countlessof blooming flowers on the water and land?_

“ _Jae.. I know you’re nervous and I didn’t mean to peek at you during your practice but I want to tell you, your voice is the most wondrous music I’ve ever heard in my entire life”_

_ The wide innocent eyes under the eyeglasses of the curly haired boy placed a hand to his shoulder. A warm smile is plastered on his face as he try to calm the cold nerve of his classmate from the back stage. It’s almost their turn now after two more performers. _

_Jae has always been shy. And the crowd will always be his weakness. He even wished how this kind of activities should be illegal to protect those who have anti-social skills._

_However, Jae seemed to be mesmerized to those pair of eyes under the thick eyeglasses. Like how he looks at the cherry blossom trees on the beginning of spring. Comforted by the soft intonation of the voice of his new classmate to complete this school project where they are put together. Giving him strength and warmth to his heart. And how he wished he didn’t acted too difficult. He wished he was a better partner._

“ _Once we start performing, you can keep your mind blank or you could think of the people you love. Or you can look at me and pretend its just the two of us performing. Don’t mind how others will look at you or what they will say because I believe in you. You can do this”_

_Wonpil gave him one last look of determination and Jae aggressively nods to him. In desire of putting his best, not for those who are waiting for them but for the person who believes in him._

“ _How about you? Aren’t you nervous?” Jae asked._

“ _No, I’m not. You’re here beside me” He grins before tapping the taller’s shoulder._

_Thank you. Because of you I found my dream. I have become courageous. I learned how to smile. I am finally alive. And I wished I poured those courage for you. I smiled for you and be known that I was living beside you. You probably won’t know until the day I die but I love you._

“Your name is Dowoon, right?”

“Yes. Is there any problem?”

Wonpil has brought Dowoon outside, to sit around the corridor. Somewhere far from their room with an excuse of a walk exercise while Dowoon pretended to have forgotten to lock his car.

“Are you sure there’s no side effect?” Wonpil had his both hands interlaced to his thighs. Glancing to Dowoon who is sitting by his side.

“Why? Is he showing symptoms?” There’s a hint of worries to Dowoon‘s tone.

“He’s hurting again. I‘m concern it might’ve something to do with the surgery or maybe.. me. So I asked for a room transfer but.. there’s no vacant except for the VIP”

Dowoon nods. “That must be expensive. Thanks for your concern though. We will ask Dr. Sung regarding this”

The latter hums. “Also.. I remember it now.”

Dowoon stared at him with curiosity. Waiting for him to continue.

“About what you asked last time.. I had forgotten about it already because it happened a long time ago. But maybe we were thirteen.. or was it fourteen?

We were partnered for a small performance in which the entire freshmen was involve. We were given one week to prepare and get along with the classmate we were partnered with. And because we were socially awkward, we didn’t have friends. So we ate and went around together until that week ended. But.. we couldn’t get along as you can see. So just like that, I told you it’s weird for him to have feelings on me. He was really uncomfortable when we were together” Wonpil shrugs. Giving him a tight-lip smile.

“What if he was just having a hard time expressing himself? Cause he was shy..” Dowoon concludes.

“That.. you watch too much drama Dowoon..” Wonpil chuckles softly and Dowoon did the same from the humor because he does watch a lot of dramas, before responding.

“I don’t. It’s just.. Jae can be like that on the first encounter. I know him”

“He was fine with the other kids. But if it was like that.. I don’t know. I don’t know him well”

“Wonpil.. can you sing?” Jae pulls a guitar to his arms, showing it to Wonpil whose lying on the side of the bed. Facing Jae.

“Why?”

“My friends brought me my guitar. Let’s play..”

“I can’t. I’ll sleep now”

Jae scoffs when Wonpil suddenly turned his back against him.

Covering his whole body with a blanket. It’s just six in the evening, there’s no way to be sleepy at this time.

Without any option, Jae brought a chair on the balcony to lessen the noise he’ll create in the room. So he won’t disturb Wonpil.

The silence once again brought chaotic thoughts and overwhelming emotions he could not comprehend. With a heavy heart, he closes his eyes and began to strum the guitar and sing the song he wrote a week ago before he was brought to the hospital.

_For the times when they hit you_

_Facedown in the ground with the wetsuit_

He knows the lyrics. Even the exact guitar chords. How come, it doesn’t sound better compare to how he plays it before. It used to be enchanting and heartbreaking however, at this moment, there’s nothing but emptiness in him. He wondered if there’s something wrong with the melody but he knows this song by the heart. Because the melody and the lyrics were written by him personally, there’s no way to forget it.

_Plant seeds but the trees never grow fruit_

_Shouting but they all got you on mute_

He started to think of the day he woke up from the said surgery. It seemed to be the saddest day of his life. It’s like he lost something he can never get back. It felt like the world has become meaningless. Why was he living so diligently? Why does he write songs for a living? Why was he alive? He was sure he had answers for these questions before then why.. why can’t he think of them now?

_When they got you thinking maybe_

_It could be me that’s crazy_

It is driving him crazy. Honestly, he’s a little bit scared. He’s afraid of how things are going around. Music doesn’t seemed to be special compare to how it used to be. It‘s like once he is discharged and he goes back to his job, he won’t be whom he used to before. He has become estranged of himself.

_All the tears bled up_

_On the climb up_

_Dry up_

_Into nothing_

He had read the lyrics of all the songs he wrote once more this afternoon. It’s strange. It seemed to be written for one certain person. Yet no matter how he thinks of it, he couldn’t remember where he found the inspiration to write all of his songs. That’s just too impossible.

_Nothing you understand_

_Nothing make sense but.._

But if he has written love songs for a certain person, then he must’ve loved someone. However, he knows he doesn’t. The weirdest thing is he never had a crush to anyone. And most likely, he never fell deeply in love.

“That’s..” A voice coming from the distance stopped Jae from his deep thoughts. Pausing from strumming the string of his guitar. Reflexively glancing to the back where the voice is coming from.

The latter though, who is standing from the distance awkwardly paused from his own words after meeting Jae’s eyes. He knew he cut off Jae from singing, he wasn’t supposed to say anything but he can’t help it. Jae has always been the good singer in high school.

“..a good song”

“Thank you..”

“What’s the title?”

“Oh, it’s Rose..”

“Rose..” Wonpil ponders as he walk close to the metal bar painted in black of the balcony. Leaning his back while facing Jae. “Who was the singer?”

“I haven’t given the song to anyone yet. I wrote it myself. I’m a producer by the way. That’s what I do for a living” Jae explains.

Wonpil‘s lips parts into an ‘o’. Astonished yet calm. “Really? That’s cool”

“How about you?”

“I teach music. I’m a professor. But I also do instrument and vocal lessons sometimes on a small studio. Though, I don’t do it on my own. I have a partner, the guy who was here yesterday. If you remember..”

“I see” Jae reacts with strange disappointment filling him in. “Boyfriend?”

“Hell no! He’s my cousin!” Wonpil chuckled. “Why does everyone thinks I’m dating my own cousin?”

For some reason he is relieved. There is one less thorn pricking his insides.

“Sorry, I thought—“

Wonpil cuts him off.

“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. It happens all the time actually. When I was in college, it was like that too. We went to the same university. We hang out a lot cause our family have really close bond and I enjoy his company. When we’re together everyone always assume we’re dating. We’re so tired explaining ourselves so we just went along, it was fun. Besides, were not really interested to dating back then anyway”

“So I assume you also went to Yonsei..”

Wonpil stood properly on his feet. Surprised. With widening eyes. “How do you know?”

“I also went to the same university. I kinda recognized your cousin when he visited you”

“Ah.. I see..” Wonpil shortly replied. Now relaxed before his eyes strayed away from the blonde. There something to be on his mind.

“What.. are you thinking?” Jae trails off after the few seconds of silence.

“Nothing..” Wonpil is quick to reply with a small smile on his face. Yet eyes under those eyeglasses, seemed to be telling a different story. Jae wants to ask however the back of his mind is telling him to stop. He can’t be nosy. So he doesn’t.

Jae pretends to be staring at his guitar and positioned it properly even though there’s nothing to be done.

In the awkward silence and the cold touching their skin, Wonpil’s eyes trailed to the blonde who doesn’t seem to notice.

“Do you mind singing the next part?” Wonpil requested before Jae glances up and gaze at him for a few seconds before he could answer.

“Yeah.. sure”

Jae picked up the chords right away. Strumming his guitar with his eyes trailing to Wonpil’s face.

_Don’t you know that nothing’s really ever beautiful_

_We’re all just broken windows_

_What you see depends from where_

He could tell, Wonpil has something that pulls him to an attraction. It is tugging his heart. Being wrapped into a tightrope and it hurts. It tastes sweetly yet he swallows it bitter. If there’s a person he has fallen into, then this might be it. Wonpil must be that person.

_You set your eye~_

_I could see my~_

_Blood on the floor_

And he wonder if three days is enough to believe in it. To think too much. To feel a magnet of how Wonpil is looking at him. To feel the void of emptiness when they are together. As if he has something to tell. Those dark orbs which are twinkling brighter than the brightest stars are flashing on him. But he tries to ignore them. Although he wants to ask. Because he likes the view he is seeing. He is over the moon at the moment as if he’s been waiting for this to happen in such a very long time.

_Or it might just be a rose_

Wonpil teared up to the last line of the lyrics. He turned his back to Jae right away. Facing the city lights. In shock, Jae ushers to the shorter man and stood beside him. Leaving his precious guitar on top of the chair he brought here earlier.

Jae’s brows knitted upon seeing the tears and hesitantly brought a hand to Wonpil’s shoulder who is wiping his teardrops from his cheeks.

“Hey..”

“I’m.. I’m okay.. just my empathetic side. I usually cry too easily. The song.. it is good” Wonpil rushingly explain with a light chuckle. His eyes still blur in tears.

Jae hummed and nods in understanding. Taking his hands off the smaller. Eyes still trailing the side profile of Wonpil’s face. Now getting lighter and brighter like how he came in earlier.

“I might’ve written the song for someone special. But now.. I‘m not sure anymore” Jae says to fill the silence in the air. There’s a melancholy on his tone. Now staring at the city lights with peace and calm on his face.

“Then.. that someone might not be special as you think it is. At least you wrote a masterpiece eh?” Wonpil tries to comfort him.

“To the point it’ll bring you to tears?” Jae teases with a grin. Glancing at him.

“Yep. To the point it’ll bring me to tears” Wonpil mimics in agreement as he look back to Jae’s eyes.

The atmosphere became lighter as they continue conversing. They would laugh at some point from the life stories they share to each other. Hours has passed and they’ve forgotten about the time and talked through the night. They are simply enjoying each other’s company.

“Once we’re discharged. Can we continue hanging out?” Jae offers at some point of their conversation.

The wrinkle on Wonpil’s eye slowly fade as he trailed away from the eye contact. Words stuck on his throat. Making the atmosphere uncomfortable.

“It’s okay though.. if you don’t want” Jae awkwardly rubs his nape after noticing the uncomfortable sight from his eyes. “I just thought we would get along. But you don’t have to answer.. I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable. It’s late, we.. I should sleep now..”

Jae forces a smile as if he can make anyone believe he is okay before stepping inside the room to run away from the pain of thorns pricking his insides.

“Jae.. I’m sorry” Wonpil’s voice broke as the blonde‘s steps became more distant.

Jae froze from his spot and reflexively turned to the other.

“You don’t—“ In surprise, Wonpil once again is looking at him with a story in his wide eye. His left hand holding his right wrist tightly.

“No, I really want to apologize to you. I acted as if I knew you. I got mad. I was rude. I’m so sorry..”

“It’s been three days Wonpil. You don’t have to say that.. and I wasn’t offended at all. Let’s forget it”

“You’re right. Please forget it.” And Wonpil whispered something in the air that Jae couldn’t read from the distance. “I just want to apologize. That’s it. Good night..”

_There are words I couldn’t say. To the you who had love me with all his heart. I’m sorry I took a part of you. If this love could be this cruel, why did you do it? You shouldn’t have live in tears. You could’ve told me. Because of this love, you couldn’t live freely for yourself. Now you got your chance, forget me, don’t be too close to me. Because I’m dangerous._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Love is a song relating to someone who couldn’t escape from love because it is the reason why they live. Either way, they are thankful and apologetic for this love. If they could go back in time, will the memories be erased?
> 
> I’m trying to be very meticulous with this one so it might take a few days to post the few more chapters. Thanks for reading today, have a lovely day!


	4. Will You Love Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will You Love Me? - Kim So Hee & Gilgubonggu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to remind everyone, there is no reference in regards to the post-hanakaki disease so I will be emphasizing my own theories here. Just accept it haha!
> 
> Dr. Sung is Sung Yuri. A member of Fink.L (I didn’t know why I chose Sung as a last name, there’s only few of them in the industry. So hard)

_It was one morning, on the place he has to be familiar for another six years, when Wonpil smiled timidly to the fair and tall, skinny boy, sitting next to him. And it was the same morning when their advisor, a music teacher, partnered them for a performance to hold their first activity which will also mean friendship to their new classmates as what the music teacher tries to imply._

_Dancing or singing. Jae and Wonpil anonymously preferred singing._

_They seemed to compliment one another. However, on their personal practice at the piano room of the school with Jae bringing the guitar his mom bought during his fifth grade and Wonpil, learning the piano since he was in third grade and uses the piano of school’s property, Jae doesn’t sing. No, Jae doesn’t want to sing._

_Jae was timid. He was as shy as Wonpil. Though, Wonpil has noticed Jae is more than that. For the whole week they spent together, the blonde would extremely blush when he begins a conversation. Wonpil first saw those timid expression on the day they introduced their names one by one in front of the class and Wonpil knew by then, Jae is uncomfortable._

_Thus, it always make the atmosphere awkward. It turns the communication into a deafening silence because the blonde would barely talk. He barely tried at all._

_It was a one week preparation yet all they did together was play their instruments. The blonde would always insists to practice singing when he is alone. Wonpil hates it but he couldn’t reject it either. Jae is uncomfortable around him thus he has to understand._

_One day on his way to the piano room, he heard a voice coming from inside. It was Jae practicing the song they were preparing. Wonpil’s anxiousness towards the performance faded upon hearing the voice. It was sweet and warm, like a freshly baked apple pie he loves to eat on the cold winter. If he would imagine, he could see himself standing freely on top of the mountain, embraced by the calming beauty of the sky, giving him the opportunity to genuinely smile regardless of the bad days._

_Wonpil doesn’t come to practice until twenty minutes._

_On the next two days prior the performance day, Wonpil did the same and found himself falling from the way Jae express himself through music. Except, he was worried Jae wouldn’t be as confident as he is at the moment he sings in front of many people._

_Even so, he bet his trust on him._

_After the showcase, it was true they became closer to their co-freshmen who performed together with them in other activities. They gained new friends. But that doesn’t mean Jae and Wonpil grew even closer._

_They only grew apart._

_The students began admiring Jae and his vocals though Wonpil thinks some of them only like him for his face._

_Wonpil gained friends on his own way and began dreaming with his closest friends to make a group performance in the future._

_Wonpil finally realized that perhaps he and Jae won’t work out as friends. The awkwardness he used to have with him isn’t like that to anyone. Now he sings with more confidence to other people. Probably trying to impress some admirers too._

_Wonpil thought, perhaps it was his fault. Perhaps, he was too intimidating. Perhaps, Jae just doesn’t like him at all. So he doesn’t try and moved a step backward._

_Wonpil doesn’t try to talk to him._

_They don’t ignore each other. When their eye contact matches, they would smile or wave to each other.. until they didn’t._

“Dr. Sung..” Dowoon calls as he enter her office with Sungjin.

The doctor on her early forty’s, lead her palm to a chair with a smile on her face as she looks at them. “Take a sit” She says. 

She then grabbed her eyeglasses before searching for something on her computer and faced the two again.

“I checked Jae’s chart. He is recovering well. This is may not be the first time I did a surgery for Hanahaki but still, he has to be observed. Actually, I never had a patient who had a heart problem after the surgery. So I checked the possibility of a heart disease, but nope.. he is healthy” She explains.

“Dr. Sung.. there’s actually something we need to ask you” Sungjin says.

“Go ahead..”

“Will it affect if he is close to the reason why he got ill?”

“I thought they don’t know each other..” Dr. Sung wonders.

“Honestly, they were classmates during high school. We heard they weren’t friends but they do know each other. The problem here is they are staying in the same room at this moment”

“So you’re saying that person visited Jae?”

“Not that. In a matter of fact, he’s your patient too. Kim Wonpil. Does it says anything if they’re staying in the same room? Could that be the side effect?” Dowoon explains.

Dr. Sung leans back to her chair and sighs.

“Then it means they saw each other after the surgery”

The two nods their head.

“If we base it on the scientific research, removing the infection means their romantic feeling and memory of their victim will vanish. Even though the love was strong to form the disease, removing the memory they shared together could erase the reason they fell in love. Meeting that same person in a different circumstance could change the patient’s impression to that same person”

“What if Jae had the same impression from Wonpil, like how he did back in high school. Is there a chance that the pain was caused by his heart reacting to his old feelings?” Sungjin asks.

“There’s a very low chance but it isn’t impossible either”

“Then.. why?” Dowoon follows.

“His subconscious is instinctively remembering the experience and sorrow of unrequited love. It’s like a trauma, a disorder caused by the severe emotional stress. But then again, that doesn’t necessarily mean he is reacting towards the old feelings. We’ve already done the surgery. We removed the memory and the romantic feeling towards his victim however, if the patient creates a new memory with their victim and choose to fall in love with the same person, they’ll.. love all over again. There’s a chance of experiencing the same pain all over again. And we cannot do anything about it” She ends her explanation.

“Then we should separate them, is that correct?” Sungjin says.

“But there’s no room” Dowoon chirps in.

“There’s no option for us. Let’s.. discharge him. Make sure they don’t meet for the time being. If he does fall in love again, it will be harder for him unless the love will be reciprocated. I’ll prescribe medicines for his wound then we’ll do follow up once we wrap things up. Simply inform Jae that we no longer need a week treatment” Dr. Sung said without a hint of hesitation.

“Thank you, Dr. Sung” The two said, believing it is the right decision to take.

“I have a question, if you don’t mind..” The two perks up to Dr. Sung, telling her to continue. “Does Wonpil know about Jae?”

“Yes.. He does. We cannot hide it” Dowoon answers her.

“I see” She nods in understanding.

“Where is Wonpil?” Jae sits down after seeing Sungjin and Dowoon coming in to the now bigger space of the room. The other bed is empty, the stuffs it used to have on the desk at the bedside are now gone. The pillow and the blanket is gone. Everything has disappeared.

“We heard he was transferred to a different room” Sungjin explains while he open the bag of clothes he brought for Jae.

“Transferred? Not discharged?”

“Speaking of discharge, you’re going home today after we wrap things up” Dowoon says with a light clap on his both hands instead of answering Jae’s inquiry.

Jae avoids an eye contact from them after hearing the news. There’ll be no more expenses for the hospital and medicines. He should be grateful he can go home. However, no matter how much he convince himself, he doesn’t get any better at all. There’s only disappointment over the fact he couldn’t see the other the moment he opened his eyes.

The fact how their laughters ended up in awkwardness last night bothers him the most. He thought he changed. If he try to keep the people he like, he thought he won’t feel those bitter regrets again yet here he is overthinking of the same thing. He couldn’t change after all.

“Do you know where he is? I really need to talk to him..”

“Jae please.. stop it. Don’t overdo yourself” Sungjin grits his teeth for getting irritated of hearing the same name from his mouth.

“I’m not. I’m really fine now. I’ll go while I wait for you to settle the bill..”

“Jae—“

“Sungjin..” Dowoon calls him softly to calm him down. Touching his forearm to remind him not to be obvious and it did work. Sungjin doesn’t continue what he has to say and kept organizing the stuffs.

But Jae has already noticed how Sungjin is acting strangely.

“Why are you mad?” Jae knitted his brows as he watch Sungjin avoid an eye contact. Busying himself to pack Jae’s things.

“Jae, it’s not like that” Dowoon immediately explains to avoid any conflicts.

“He was gonna yell..”

“No, he’s only stress from work.. please let it go..”

Jae doesn’t argue and glances to Dowoon.

“How about you?”

“I don’t” Dowoon lied. They spoke with Wonpil earlier a little before he left the room. They only discussed regarding how they shouldn’t talk about it anymore to avoid making mistakes.

“I’ll ask the nurses..” Jae says with stubbornness on his tone as he put on his slipper to leave the room.

Dowoon inwardly panic as his eye led to Sungjin for help. But Sungjin only looked at him helplessly and it scared him for a second, he called for Jae’s name before he could completely go.

“What?” Jae turns to him.

“Can’t you just stay and mind yourself instead of someone else? You don’t know him anyway..” Dowoon carefully mumble with his left hand fiddling the end of his shirt.

The strange attitude got Jae more determine to go. “I’ll be back..” Jae blinks away to Dowoon’s request and left the room.

He walked to the nearest counter and asked for Wonpil’s whereabouts. Luckily they gave him the information after expressing how he only wants to say goodbye since he is getting discharged.

Jae followed the nurse’s instruction and took an elevator for the higher floor where Wonpil was moved.

As he get out of the elevator and search for the room, he realized it’s the floor of the cancer patients after seeing the signs on the top ceiling for directions.

He hesitates to knock on the door for a few minutes and only stared back to the knob and down to his slippers. Wondering if Wonpil had only find out about the news last night and that was actually what made Wonpil cry. Also, what if Wonpil wouldn’t want to see him like what he said that night. So Jae contemplates whether he should muster his courage to come in or leave now. 

His thoughts vanished when the door creaks and it suddenly opened, finding Wonpil’s cousin in front of him.

“Oh, you’re here.. did you hear it from your friends? Wonpil’s inside. Please watch him for a sec if you don’t mind” Younghyun said continuously without giving Jae the opportunity to respond.

Jae only nods to the last statement, leaving the thought of his friends not telling him anything from the back of his mind for now. And watched Younghyun leave before coming in to see Wonpil staring at the cloudy morning of the usual busy road from the window. There’s no balcony here like their room and now he is on a private room.

Excitement to see Wonpil’s face rushes through his veins as he watch him from behind. Yet the surge of struggle forming in his insides never fades away. He’s been a mess. He’s afraid Wonpil will reject him like last night however, his desperation keeps getting stronger compare to his fear now he is closer to him.

“You’re back—“ Wonpil whips his head but froze to his sentence after seeing the face he isn’t expecting to see.

“Hi..” Jae says under his breath after closing the door behind him.

“Hello..” Wonpil replies with a faint smile on his face. “Have a seat” He offers.

But Jae only shook his head and walked to his side. Facing the window just like him.

“Why haven’t you told me?” He asked.

“I just had no reason why I have to..” Wonpil glances to him with a tight lip smile. “I heard your getting discharged today. Congratulations..” Wonpil tries to make the conversation lighter, tone raising a little to sound enthusiastic.

Jae hums for the sake of responding. But he couldn’t get any better when his mind and heart is full of worries.

“What happened to you?”

“It’s colon cancer” Wonpil answers in no hesitation as he walk back to sit on his own bed. Jae follows him through his eyes. “Good thing its only stage one when it was discovered, I’ll be on a surgery probably next week. They’re about to set my schedule..”

“You’ll be okay, right?”

“I.. I wish” Wonpil stutters. His eyes strays away from the blonde. Although he was already told by his new doctor he has a better chance of survival, he’s still not confident enough to say yes. He’s afraid too.. afraid to know this is his end.

“Can I see you again?”

Wonpil raises his head and look him in the eye, telling him every little reason why they shouldn’t meet again however the words he badly wants to say are stuck on his throat. 

“Please..” Jae then said after hearing no respond.

“Can’t you just think of me as a passerby in your life.. and go on?”

It’s like being thrown of a cold water for the second time. The rejection still hurts like last night but it’s not like he is not expecting it. So he thought, Wonpil doesn’t really want to see him again.

“O.. okay.. okay..” Jae says under his breathe. Hand going at the back of his nape. Rubbing it from the embarrassment. “That’s all I have to say, you should take a rest. I’ll go..”

Wonpil felt apologetic after seeing the disappointment on Jae’s face. He wish they didn’t have to meet like this. He should’ve just turned a blind eye and didn’t wonder why Jae couldn’t recognize him. He couldn’t bare hurting someone like this. Without letting them know the reason. But it’s for the best. Like what Dr. Sung has instruct him after finding out about his disease.

“Jae.. be happy..” Wonpil sincerely gaze at him. And again, a twitching pain is beating him up for the nth time when Wonpil’s gaze is seeping on him. He doesn’t want to go however he could hear the voices saying he’s being rejected for the third time.

So a bitter smile shows up on his face before taking his eyes away and leave the room.

Wonpil breathes like he was drown underwater the moment the door was shut. Its like his tears are about to fall in flashes of how Jae’s stares was buried on him. It was easy to catch the sadness on the blonde’s eyes. He doesn’t wish to make it worse. If he doesn’t push him away, things will only get out of hand and if he couldn’t survive and disappear in this world, there’s nothing he could do for him.

_Please.. don’t love me again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘Will You Love Me?’ is a song about two people who had met a long time ago but wasn’t able to develop and couldn’t tell ask one another ‘Will You Love Me?’. Then one day, they met again and still had the same feeling for each other so without missing the opportunity they asked one another ‘Will You Love Me?’
> 
> I don’t know what I’m doing.. My imagination was crying while I think of the scenes, too bad I ain’t good at expressing the words better. It’s frustrating but I really appreciate those few people who are interested in this.
> 
> I hope you guys have a lovely day ❤️ Thank you ☺️


	5. When You Love Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will you do when you love someone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s so delayed. Blame the other fic I was writing. We’re now in the end and I hope we end it fine~

When you love someone, what your mind has set is always beneath your heart. Care comes with worry. Joy comes with sadness. And love, of all things, comes with pain.

Flowers doesn’t begin to withering, it begins with growth. Once the seed is planted, it will be dependable to sunshine and rain. It doesn’t stop growing on its own even if it wants to. It’s impossible. Like how a heart is drawn to someone whom it couldn’t touch, it couldn’t reach. It’s unfortunate but love is inevitable.

However, how about the plant which was left without growing nor withering do? How will it live?

_It was a windy night of summer and Wonpil was on the bus with his head peeking from the windowsill, his hair flurries from the air. He had his eyes shut as he try to rest his mind from the long day in school. He doesn’t wish to think of anything for the rest of the night until he remember the recorder his classmates lent him for their music project performance in the next two weeks. He can’t lose it, it’s the most precious instrument of his friend._

_Without second thought, he pressed the ring button to inform the bus driver he had to be dropped on the next bus station nearing them. So he could run all the way back to school._

_The time he entered their classroom, the lights are dimmer on the hallway and worse, every lights on the classrooms that are usually lit up in the early hour of the evening are all shut off._

_Wonpil bit the bottom of his lips from his rushing heart and quick heavy breathes from running which is now more annoyed over the fact he doesn’t know where the switch could be found. He then fished his phone from his pocket to use the flashlight on it to pick up the recorder under his desk. Since it’s dark and he hasn’t worn his eyeglasses after he had took them off when he sat down on the bus, he bumps to the few chairs getting on his way._

_Although the dark doesn’t scare him, the sound of the banging door made him squeak, letting the phone on his hand slip off from his grasp. Surprising the other person who was supposed to enter the room._

“ _Who’s there?” The voice of the person standing in front of the door echoed inside the room. Wonpil whipped his head and saw a blurry image reflected to his eyes. He could only see a silhouette reflecting from the light outside and worst from the darkness but he can recognize the familiar voice, leaving a relief on his breath._

“ _It’s Wonpil, Jae..”_

_“Oh, why are you still here?”_

“ _I left my recorder.. and you?” Wonpil asked before he bent down to get his phone back._

“ _We’re doing a band for the project.. So we were practicing together. I left my bag here..”_

_“I see..”_

_“Do you need help?” Jae asks as he sees Wonpil struggling to get on his desk which is on the corner of the third row. While he is taking his bag on top of their locker from the back of the classroom._

_“I’m.. I’m okay.. Just have to get on my desk..” Wonpil says as he struggle on his way._

“.. _M’kay..” Jae hesitates to say. Feeling bad to see the struggling classmate._

“ _Bye..” Wonpil says, expecting for a response. However, hearing nothing, made him feel disappointed. He will probably feel the same way to anyone._

_So when he picked up the recorder he relieves in a smile as he walk outside the door, forgetting the bitterness he felt from his classmate earlier._

“ _Are you done?”_

_Wonpil is startled again, screwing his eyes shut as his hand reflexively went to the quick beats of his heart after hearing the voice of someone leaning beside the open door._

_It’s Jae._

_“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to surprise you. You okay?” Jae exclaimed in worries._

_“I’m okay..” He says after a few beats. Facing the taller. “Why are you still here?”_

_“I was waiting for you.. Are you leaving? Do you have something you need to do?”_

_Wonpil stared at him with a question on mind. He wonder why Jae is asking him such questions._

_Wonpil only shook his head._

“ _Let’s go together..”_

_Wonpil again doesn’t respond._

_“It’s late.. we should take a taxi. Let’s go..” Jae says as he walk ahead even without hearing a response._

_Wonpil doesn’t say anything and only followed the taller. Still curious of his action. He knew Jae was only trying to be nice to him when their classmates are around and in fact he was uncomfortable of his presence all the time but he guessed, not today. So he came to the conclusion since Jae had grew mature and taller compared to their freshmen year he has also changed a little. He probably has forgotten about the awkwardness they had. But then, it doesn’t mean Wonpil is comfortable of their current situation so he thought it’s better to watch the taller’s back. He‘d rather not know what kind of expression Jae is making right now than fully know he is only trying to be nice._

_They took a taxi Jae halted outside the campus and had sit apart on the back with their eyes staring on the window of each side. It wasn’t uncomfortable, it wasn’t pleasing for Wonpil as well. He wished Jae wasn’t there at the wrong timing. He wished he doesn’t have to be reminded of the bitterness of freshmen. So Wonpil who had always been avoiding the thought, realized he must’ve been hurt of Jae not liking him even a little back then. That experience had him on a thought of not being likable to anyone. It feared him he couldn’t make friends but it wasn’t the case at all. Of all people, Jae is the only one who had problems with him. It was simply Jae who doesn’t like him._

_So why? Why did he have to invite me if he doesn’t have the guts to be civil with me?_

_“What are you going to do for the project?” Jae begins to save the dead silence._

_“We’re gonna play the instruments we aren’t familiar with” Wonpil replies cooly as if he wasn’t on his deepest thoughts at the moment._

_“I see..” Jae nods although Wonpil had his eyes on the scenery and not him._

_“You’d probably win right? Since you’ve always been talented..”_

_“I don’t think so.. the teachers favor you.. you’d definitely win. I’m just doing this for my grades..” He says in a bit of sarcasm._

_“Are you okay?” Jae softly asked._

_“Hmm? Why wouldn’t I be?” Wonpil turns to Jae who has already had his eyes on him before it turned away to look down. And Wonpil isn’t bothered of it anymore. Awkwardness is normal with Jae. He isn’t bitter about it compared to how it was before._

_“I just.. I think you’re not in a mood to talk..”_

_“I’m tired.. I would’ve been eating right now if I didn’t forget the recorder.. I guess, I’m hungry..” Wonpil says in a faint smile before he turned his head back on the window._

“ _Really? Don’t be angry anymore, you look prettier when you smile..” Wonpil could hear the ingenuity coming out from Jae’s mouth. He smirked on his head. Jae doesn’t have to try so hard. It’s not like he doesn’t know what he truly feel._

_Wonpil doesn’t respond anymore and had his earphones on to familiarize the song for their project. He’d rather think of the project than take this awkward reality to his system. He wish the ride will end soon but he still have fifteen more minutes to reach home and he doesn’t have the energy to get off and find another taxi at this hour. Jae has to u-turn for him to get back home too._

“ _Wonpil..”_

_Jae had call Wonpil a multiple times before he had heard of him. Wonpil immediately pulled his earphones out of his ears and stared to the blonde with a questioning face._

“ _I’m sorry..”_

_“Huh?” Wonpil asked in confusion._

_“Are you mad because I didn’t asked if you want to get home with me?”_

_Wonpil frowns at the blonde’s conclusion. There are sorrow on the way Jae has gazed on him. He isn’t sure if the blonde is only faking it or he is truly genuine about his concern so Wonpil has to shake off the thought of feeling bad to what he just said._

_“No.. I told you.. I’m just tired.. stop making assumptions. It’s not good for yourself”_

_It will only hurt. Like how my assumptions of you had hurt me. I wish I didn’t mind it, then I would’ve been able to face you without feeling anything._

_Wonpil said in the calmest manner he could. He know he did sounded rude earlier however his leading heart which doesn’t know where to put itself on this situation is blinding him. He is somehow guilty of his reaction but he couldn’t control it either. And it will only anger him if Jae has never once thought of how their encounter on freshmen has affected him._

_But when Wonpil finally arrives home, instead of letting Jae go with those continuous pitiful stare on his eyes, he had invited him to his house to have dinner._

_“I will take you home.. let’s go..” Wonpil says as he hold the taxi’s door open to look Jae in the eye, waiting for his response._

_Jae once again began to stare awkwardly on him and blushes at the invitation, allowing Wonpil to think of the past. The occurrence made him whisper to himself._

_ This will be the last time we’ll talk. It’s the last time I’ll feel this way. I’ll never put myself on this kind of situation again. It’s not worth it. You don’t represent everyone. You’re the only one who doesn’t like me. You don’t influence anyone to hate me so it’s okay. I won’t be mad anymore. _

“ _Mom, I brought a classmate”_

_Wonpil introduces Jae to his mom the moment they saw her on the kitchen, preparing for their dinner. It will be around a few more minutes before his dad will arrive so they decided to wait instead. Somehow, Jae wasn’t awkward when it comes to Wonpil’s mom. It’s strange how Jae could actually get along with everyone but him. He isn’t the very talkative type but everything Jae says would make sense, making himself laugh on the puns as well._

_But then their eyes would meet and it will feel weird again to the point they’d get quiet in a few seconds so he’d have to suppress the laughter coming from his mouth even if he wish he could burst into a loud one._

_Why does Jae have to be a better person except with me?_

_When his dad came, it was also easy for them to get along. He had asked his dad to take Jae home for him but ended up going along with them since his dad kept insisting to do so. Now his mom wants to go with them as well with the same smile stuck on her face after Jae told them an interesting story. He had thought maybe that’s why everyone loves his company. Maybe that’s why everyone looks like they have a crush on him. He is a great person. And today felt like one of those days in school except he is not a part of it. Even if he never had a good memory with Jae, today was still a good day. At least he’d be reminded how Jae doesn’t entirely hates him at all._

“ _Wonpil-ah.. thank you for today.. it was fun..” Jae tells Wonpil with a shy smile on his face. Both standing outside his house with Wonpil’s parents waiting on the car, parked in a distance._

_“I was worried you’d be shy around my parents too but I’m glad you’re not like that. And.. I apologize for how I acted earlier, I wish our food made it up” Wonpil softly chuckles in embarrassment. “Let’s just forget about everything. Stay happy.. you always look better that way..” Wonpil says as he is reminded of seeing a brighter Jae around everyone except him._

_“What do you mean? It’s not like we won’t see each other again.. we still have a whole year..”_

_That’s right. It’s a whole year before they’ll graduate soon._

“ _I know.. but I’m pretty sure I won’t have the opportunity to talk to you again. It’s not like we’re friends..” Wonpil rubs his nape feeling the awkwardness between them again. He wished he didn’t said anything but then it’s true. There’s nothing he could do. Jae probably knows that. “Well, have a good night, Jae” Wonpil says before the atmosphere could change and will make him overthink again but Jae suddenly grabbed his arm letting Wonpil turn to him again._

_“What’s this?” Wonpil asked when Jae passed a small and pink bunny doll he hangs around his bag to his hand._

_“T-thank you.. and I’m sorry..”_

_“It’s okay.. I’m okay..” He say without saying anything more before he finally avoided Jae’s eyes which is always making him hold his breath every time they meet._

_Wonpil knew Jae was still looking at him even when he is now walking back to the car. There’s an urge to turn back and ask why he isn’t going inside yet the fear of ending things differently to what he has perfectly created today stops him to do so. He doesn’t have the courage yet. So he smiled to himself, a little bit proud pulling a thorn on his heart. If he sees Jae on the school tomorrow, his absurd thoughts won’t be there anymore. He wants to believe on that as he look on the bunny on his hand._

_Without blooming. Without withering. Our memory was like a beautiful flower I’d find across the world. And there we stood by my memory alone._

“What did you tell him?” Younghyun asked the second he opened the door. However, he was welcomed by a heavy sigh of his cousin who is sitting on his bed, facing the opposite of his direction.

“Hmm?” Wonpil immediately shifted his head to Younghyun’s direction and followed him with his eyes as if nothing’s wrong. Younghyun then sat on the couch facing Wonpil’s sitting position.

“The guy doesn’t look good at all.. Wasn’t he your ex or something?”

“We were never on good terms, what are you saying..”

“When I first saw him here, I thought he was familiar. I remember him visiting your house..”

The flustered look on Wonpil’s face got Younghyun squinting his eyes.

“You weren’t there..” He disproves.

“Yeah, that day.. I was supposed to run away from home so I was waiting for you but my mom kept calling me to come home. We were arguing on the phone when your mom told me you’re downstairs. I just saw you for a second and didn’t bothered to let you know cause when I was leaving, I saw your dad coming in so I told him to tell you I left”

“You mean when your parents almost divorced?”

“Right..”

“What happened exactly?”

“Is this really what you want to talk about at this time?”

“We’ve never actually talked about it.. besides I don’t want to talk about him..”

Younghyun sighs and decided to let his poor cousin get away with it for so he could organize his thoughts.

“It’s just.. they don’t understand each other anymore” Younghyun began. “They were always arguing. Back then.. I was really scared they’d separate because I really like them but one day, they just.. they suddenly became okay. Then your dad came to me and talked to me about it first.. he said they went through a marriage counseling to find where it all went wrong. My parents also told me, they tried to work it out because of me, because they love me. Since then, I have promised to be a good son and repay them with good grades so they’d never think of breaking up again. It was childish..”

“But you lived to it. Aren’t they the reason why you didn’t dated anyone?” Wonpil looks back to their college when he used to hang out more often with Younghyun when someone who likes him is bothering him.

“For real? Maybe at first.. I do but no one was really interesting on the university..”

“We attended on the same university as him..” Wonpil mumbles to himself.

“What?”

“Nothing..”

“But come to think of it, when your dad and I was talking, he said he liked the guy you brought home..”

“You mean.. Jae?”

“Was that his name? I only got a glimpse of that Jae but he looked like he really likes you back then.. to the point your parents can tell. Even right now.. as if he’ll die without dating you..” Younghyun chuckles at his own joke but after seeing the unimpressed look on his cousin’s face, he immediately bit his lips and pushed it inside his mouth to shut up.

“Sorry..” Younghyun said in a smaller voice.

“Did he.. really looked that way?” Wonpil asked the moment he met Younghyun’s eyes.

As much as Younghyun wants to simply answer the question, the solemnity on his cousin makes it difficult for him to respond.

“Apparently, you were right. He almost died because of me..” Wonpil suddenly reveals.

“What— what do you mean?”

“Do you know what’s Hanahaki disease? He had that because of me. He doesn’t want to be cured because he wants to keep all of our memories. Is he dumb? We don’t even have any good memories.. all I did was ignore him because I thought.. I thought my existence makes him uncomfortable..”

Younghyun squinted his eyes. He understands yet he couldn’t follow. If Jae was totally cured, he shouldn’t have been looking all worry earlier.

“Then what was that earlier? Does he still love you?” Younghyun asks in unsure tone.

“When the memories are lost, shouldn’t the feelings go away as well?”

A long silence fills in the room before Younghyun could gather his thoughts and speak again.

“What if he loves you again? That no matter how much time may pass for you to meet, what if it’s only you?”

“That doesn’t make sense..” He denies the idea. “I’m dying.. he shouldn’t love me”

“You’re not dying Wonpil, okay? The cancer is on the early stage and your doctor is going to remove that. What might kill you and him is what you’re doing right now. Now you have found out where it all went wrong, you can try again. Like how my parents tried to accept the flaws and mistakes of one another. You like him too, right?”

Wonpil only avoided Younghyun’s eyes, allowing his cousin get his conclusion.

“If you do, then there’s no excuse. Cancer might not kill you but what if harboring your feelings will? What if it’ll happen to you and him?”

“When you love someone, shouldn’t you give your all? Jae.. he is that kind of person.. but what if I can’t do that for him? I don’t want to hurt him again..” Wonpil quietly says. Worry is evident on his tone and Younghyun only smiles in awe for his cousin.

“You are running Wonpil-ah.. you haven’t even tried it yet. If you take it slow, you’ll get there one day..”

It’s late at night and Jae couldn’t get to sleep. He’s been worried sick after finding out what happened to Wonpil.

He knew he was the odd one for feeling this way to the person whom he only met a few days ago yet his thoughts are telling him how the duration of time they spent together isn’t the limit of growing to someone.

Since he started writing songs, Jae had his evening rituals when he couldn’t sleep and it was to write how he feels about that day. It’s like a diary in which he turns into lyrics so he picked up his laptop and brought it to his studio type room in which all of his equipment to write and compose music are all intact.

He’s seated on a chair as he stare on the blank sheet on his laptop. His hands are ready to type whatever words would pop up on his mind however, his disrupted thoughts doesn’t help at all. He deeply sighed the moment he decided to give up on writing. The few pieces of white paper he stacked on the side prior to the day he was brought to thej hospital caught his attention. Suddenly, he began to wonder what happened that day, how he lost his consciousness or anything at all. The last piece of his memory was in the same hour of the night, writing, yet he can’t even remember what he has written at all.

_When You Love Someone_

“Jae.. hello?” A raspy and deeper tone of voice picked up Jae’s call. He knew he just woke his friend from its slumber. He shouldn’t have been calling them at this ungodly hour however the questions filling up his mind led him to this only option as he knew his best friends are the only people whom he would talk to in regards to his problems.

“Sungjin-ah.. I need you to answer a question..” He asked in rush in which Sungjin didn’t caught immediately from the sleepiness overtaking him.

“What.. what are you talking about?”

“Do I know Wonpil?”

“What do you mean?”

“I think..” Jae hesitantly continued as he stare once again on the lyrics. “It.. it looks like I wrote a song for him.. I wrote his name. But.. this was written before I went to the hospital. What’s going on?”

“You’re on your studio, right?“

“Why?”

“We’re coming”

Jae then heard a bustling sound over the phone before it was ended.

As he waited, he checked the other lyrics he has written long ago, the songs for some artists and the songs he hasn’t given to anyone yet. There seemed to be no relevance to each songs yet it conveys the same feeling. The pain of falling in love, the sadness. Even dying for loving someone. Everything he has written are all in a bittersweet form. And there is one thing similar to all of them, he was only watching the person he loves from afar.

There was a knock on his door as he was trying to check his files. He saw Dowoon and Sungjin standing on the door. Sungjin’s holding a bag on his left hand while the other is holding Dowoon’s hand with their bonds sparkling from the lights. It’s strange how he always forget his friends have been married for two years now.

He’s known them from college but the two have been together since they were in high school. Of course, he was envious. The person he love was someone whom he also met in high school yet he couldn’t even approach him.

Dowoon and Sungjin doesn’t usually show their affection to one another in public as if it’s a natural thing between them except when they are jealous or when someone’s flirting to their boyfriend. It was always cute to see. Although their relationship doesn’t show, their conversations are always warm. Even if it‘s not in their actions, their eyes would always convey how much they love each other and that one made Jae earn courage to talk to Wonpil once again yet after learning he was actually dating someone cooler and handsome from the business administration whom he couldn’t compare himself, he decided not to do it anymore. And accepted the fact, to only admire Wonpil from afar.

However tonight, he doesn’t have the recollection of those memories. All he could remember is how envious he was of the couple yet he couldn’t help but think how much he wants to hold Wonpil’s hand.

“Are you okay?” Is the first words asked by Dowoon the moment they saw Jae’s face. There’s worry in their face as they gaze on him. 

“Does this means you know?” He calmly asked them.

“We’ll explain it to you if you let us in” Sungjin says.

The three sat on the living room face to face in three am with the papers he took from his studio scattered on the glass table. Sungjin then opened the bag he brought with him filled with more notes belonging to him yet what caught his attention more is the photo of someone smiling as he play the keyboard on a school performance camera who is wearing the same uniform he used to wear in high school.

“This.. it’s Wonpil..”

“You took that photo of him..” Sungjin says. Making Jae’s brows meet in confusion.

The two then began to explain what happened to him and how he ended up like this. Even after removing the memories and the feelings he had for Wonpil, in the end he fell in love with him all over the again. And this time he was even more sure of what he feels. A tear escapes from his eyes from the overwhelming feeling pouring in his heart. There is sorrow as he thought of the reason why he couldn’t confess back then. It was a question the couple couldn’t answer for him yet even if they can’t he was thankful for having them around.

“I almost threw all of these diaries and photos related to him if Dowoon didn’t stopped me”

“I guess I owe Dowoon big time. Tell me what you want, I’ll buy you anything”

“Rea—“ An excitement jittered on Dowoon’s body until he realized what he truly wants. “Later.. Owe me once you tell Wonpil how you feel.”

“Dowoon’s right” Sungjin smiles to Dowoon in which he returned right away.

“Sometimes I hate how you guys are always in sync but this time I’ll follow your advice.. I’m sorry for all the troubles..”

“It’s okay.. just keep yourself alive this time.. We don’t want to lose a friend..” Sungjin jokingly said yet for some reason he knows they are just worried of him.

“Wonpil-ssi.. he’ll be okay, right?” Dowoon asks.

“His cousin talked to me before I left.. The cancer isn’t going to spread as long as Wonpil will take the surgery as soon as its required.. I know its not a good thing but it’s still lucky he had an ulcer, the cancer was discovered right away..”

“He also found out your secrets..” Dowoon added.

“I want to see him..” Jae says as he turn his gaze to the window breaking into morning.

“Now?” The two asked in sync.

“Hmm.. I miss him..” He turns to them.

_Have you heard of the Magic Flower? It was how it is called in our neighborhood when I was young. I remember walking pass by the bunch of highlight shades of yellow and orange or purple and pink reflecting the sunlight on their silky petals. Their beauty would always catch my attention until I found myself realizing there’s not a day I don’t stop by just to see them however, it rained heavily one morning while I was heading to school and the magic flower I used to know isn’t the way they were before. They don’t bloom beautifully like how they does in every familiar morning, their silky petals are hidden as if they have fallen asleep and won’t return. The sky was gray as the rain pours down on the transparent raincoat I’m wearing and the ahjumma who kept staring at me on the balcony of her house in which I believe is the owner of the magic flower smiled down on me and placed a hand on my shoulder._

_She asked me “Do you know why it’s called magic flower?”_

_I looked up on her and shook my head. Her lips lifted into a softer smile before she spoke. “They only bloom when the sun is up in the sky but when it’s nighttime or when its raining like this, they fall asleep. They like the sun a lot that’s why they only show their pretty petals on it. So, don’t be disappointed. When the sun is out, they will be pretty again.. Will you wait for them?”_

_It reminds me of you. Not the magic flower. But the sun shining in the sky. If I didn’t met you, would I be the magic flower blooming in my own? The songs I’ve written for you made me who I am right now. Watching you from afar made me grow._

_Maybe that’s how love works. They give you strength to live cause even if you are having a hard time, they can still figure their way to make you smile. It’s amazing. You’re amazing. I have died and live yet, it is for you whom I want to bloom again._

Jae nervously knocks on the hospital room before he opens the door. His eyes immediately search for the person he desperately wish to see yet in his disappointment he could only find one person inside.

“Hey..” Wonpil’s cousin says after being awaken from his slumber. He soon sat up from the couch he is lying at. “He went outside. It’s been a while now. Do you want to wait?”

“Do you know where he is?” He asked.

“I don’t.. but he took his phone with him. Do you want his number?”

Jae then decided to take the number but he didn’t dialed it immediately. He tried to find him on the cafeteria they went together to find him in no avail so he decided to call the number instead and it surprised him how Wonpil seems expectant of the caller. He calmly tells Jae his location and waited for him.

On the rooftop, Wonpil finds Jae breathing heavily from running up the stairs. Jae walks up to him yet they didn’t say anything right away as they look at each other in the eye.

“Isn’t it too early to see me?” Wonpil says the moment he snaps out from his deep thoughts.

“You know me, don’t you?”

“Who told you that?”

“My friends who accompanied me here.. they told me everything..”

“Ah..“ He nods and looked away in silence.

“I came all the way here to tell you, I still feel the same..”

“All these years, why now?”

Jae shakes his head.

“I have no recollection but.. I had a daily recorder to keep myself in check after I was diagnosed. And I said there.. the last time we talked didn’t ended well.. I was scared to know you might hate me.. so I just stopped there”

Sadness reflected behind Wonpil’s eyeglasses before he spoke. Knowing what day Jae was talking about.

“Honestly, you always looked uncomfortable around me.. I thought you didn’t like me. But you were also nice to me.. you were always helping me without letting me know and I thought.. it was because you feel bad for me. You can get along to the whole school but me.. that’s why I didn’t like you.. but that doesn’t mean I hated you either” He explained with the guilt haunting him after knowing everything.

“I never had feelings with someone before so my words don’t coordinate to how I act.. even today, I impulsively went here to see you..”

“Your friend told me that as well. But for me.. I’ve considered that night as a good memory. You also gave me a bunny doll.. and I still have it at home”

Wonpil wouldn’t want to say it but he just realized the reason why he was angry all those times was because he was gaining a crush on the boy. Like he said, Jae’s actions never coordinates his words and Wonpil used to not understand all of it. Jae was always nice to him. When Wonpil needs a hand, it was always Jae who volunteers as if everyone is expecting he would. He couldn’t understand how everyone seems to be more coordinate than Jae. Perhaps, everyone actually knew but him.

He was numb and that was why he had to stop himself before he gets hurt, thinking Jae was just forcing himself to be nice to hide the fact he is uncomfortable towards him.

The sun began to peak on the sky as they talk. The heat touched both of their skin yet the passing time doesn’t seem to mean so much to them when they are more focused on what they have to say to each other.

“I like you Wonpil.. Let’s get to know each other again” Jae said as he reaches out for his hand.

“After knowing how you felt towards me.. What if I couldn’t love you as much as you do?”

“It’s okay. I can do it. I can fill in the gaps..” Jae genuinely smiles to him.

Liking Jae was easy. The first time they smiled to each other, it was the time he was most thankful of Jae forgetting everything about him. For him, it was a beginning he thought would reach its end soon and that was why he wanted to make the most of it yet here they are staring at the future with the sun rising to the sky looking at them. Wonpil then finally smiles back and reaches out for Jae’s hand without the fear to bloom. Without worrying to wither. He’ll be okay. They’ll be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magic flower is literally growing in our neighborhood back then. It was pretty.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! And for the kudos and comments.. I hope you all have a lovely day~

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I’m back with another fic. I’ve been thinking about this for several months already ㅠㅠ. This is going to be a song related fic, with my favorite songs that have the word “Love” on it. And the reason why the title of this fic is “Love Me” is mainly because of the two chapters. First, this chapter. Second, is the future chapter. Lol.
> 
> Here's my curious cat if you have questions: [cc!](https://curiouscat.me/HaengbokhanPil)
> 
> Thank you and have a lovely day!


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